forgotten_aria

I may (not certain yet) have just relocated my middle right toe. If I did, it was probably dislocated from the injury that happened May 29th of last year.

My plantar fasciitis pain is through the roof and it's TKD that's aggravating it. I would consider taking a month off except we are just launching the demo team and I'm the one doing it. Our first meeting was yesterday and I kind of went all out and now the pain is so bad I can't sleep.

I got a bunch of remedies and the weekend is open, so hopefully I can recover before next Thursday.

I'm almost healed 100%, but not quite. I requested my imaging, but I haven't received it yet. I've tried to follow some leads for a PCP, but haven't found anyone yet. Still no clue on what actually happened. I have a few guesses, but they're just that, guesses.

Nate (my cat) has good days and bad days. Today was a bad day and he was having convulsions (we actually think the vet is wrong and they really are seizures) about one ever 10 minutes or so. We don't know how much discomfort he's in, so it's really hard to try to judge his quality of life. He seems happy enough when they aren't happening and he can actually sleep.

In other news I decided since my knees are SO MUCH BETTER from when I last saw a PT, that I would go see the PT for my now very distinct lunge knee pain. She couldn't find much, other than my knee cap seems to not like moving to the inside. She suggested my quad was tight too. So she gave me some manual knee cap stretching and suggested quad and hammy stretches before workouts. I've also, on my own, been doing single leg strengthening and it's made a big difference already.

She then got a new job closer to Somerville and couldn't see me any more, but that's fine. I just wanted to make sure there was nothing big I could be doing to work on my knees.

Both PTs I saw were awesome, really listened to me, and not once made me feel like my knees were my fault for being fat.

I still need to get a new PCP and optometrist. I'm also considering getting a gynecologist to help me navigate pre-menopause.

I'm still having my arms fall asleep while sleeping and it seems likely it's something pinched in my neck. Stretching my neck and shoulders before bed helps slightly.

TKD schedule changed and I get to go back to lyra class. Though now it's being taught 100% by the teacher who never puts the hoop low enough for me, so I have to fight to get into it. I can't wait until I can do a chopper mount so she can have both hoops high.

I injured something under my scapula, most likely while doing pull up training. It's very pin point, however. I'm a little worried since it feels about the same spot as the abscess I had on my other side.

I figured I should document this here.

My back is still giving me trouble, but I've been going back to crossfit. I've been doing lower weight and avoiding a handful of movements a few of which are kind of common.

I've lost a lot of progress. My cardio is non-existent and I can no longer kick up into a handstand. I'm frustrated by my body's ability to lose months of progress in weeks of time.

I have to decided how I want to re-up my crossfit membership. The price differentials are huge! $25 per session for drop in or $17 per session even if I only average twice a week for a year commitment. (I would like to attend more than that, if my body allows.)

I was so enjoying being able to do things I couldn't before, but it's so frustrating to be fighting so many factors. I hate being the slowest, the weakest, the worst. I am also sick of motivational phrases like "you can do anything you put your mind to" and "How they seem to consistently be on track to achieve their goals?
It’s because they WORK at it…. Every. Single. Day." And they have a body that LETS them do that.

I went to a party and had my first failure to engage in the party without having party anxiety afterwards. I was only sad that I missed a chance to interact with great people I don't see often. I haven't really had much social energy to reach out lately. I've been feeling lonely and unwanted off and on which makes me less likely to reach out. Hopefully I'll get some social spoon back and make plans with people again.

The back has been variable. It was pretty good on Saturday at TKD, but then I was also on advil. I twigged it at the party and some how hurt my knee yesterday, so today I'm not good again. Returning to crossfit seems further and further away. The whole time I'm still paying my monthly fee too... sigh.

My back is still a bit inflamed but almost better. I think what happened was I over worked my muscles, which let my damaged disk slouch and inflame one of my nerves (by internet self diagnosis, the L5 nerve.) I'm hoping to be ok by Saturday for a group silks class that a friend organized. I haven't been able to do crossfit since two weeks ago and TKD since a week and a half ago. Usually this has a negative effect on my mental health, but I'm doing pretty well. I am looking very much forward to getting back to both, however, so I'll have no problem starting back up.

Also on the mental health thing, I referred to the Winchester Town Day show as a "gig" and had someone assume that I had been paid. I didn't mind the misunderstanding. I seem to have done a better job of breaking the money == worth or money == legitimacy link than I thought. I referred to it as a gig, because with taiko we used to do lots of probonos and they were still gigs. I would love to do a paying gig again someday, but I don't see that happening unless I get involved with a group again. I just don't have the self drive to practice and perform enough.

I've recorded one of the songs that I composed for Winchester down day and I'm pretty happy with it, given my current skill. My singing is a little pitchy, but I think has some really good quality to it. I don't have an autotune filter for ableton, so I just have to live with the pitchiness. There was also a weird resonance that I couldn't tell if it was just inside my head, so I notice it out. I'm currently making a music video for it. My attempt to be dramatic and artsy in the video has great potential for coming across as pretentious, but I think that's a risk I have to take.

I hope to get it done by middle of next week and then start working on my Halloween costume in earnest.

I pushed my knees to hard on Thursday. I did 10 15lb back squats and another 10 unloaded. For a normal person this would be nothing, but for me it is both a large amount of progress and was too much.