forgotten_aria: (felicia sleep)
I took [personal profile] dcltdw's advice and ran a lot slower and a little longer. The self-hatred was much less. It still wasn't fun, but I am kind of neutral about myself right now, which given history is a big win. The good news is I kept my sub 12 minute mile pace for half a mile without stopping to walk. I know that's only a 1/3 of the goal, but it still felt encouraging that I my "slow" pace was the pace I need to maintain.

Sadly the data on the GPS watch seems to be corrupted, so now I can't trust what it said, so who knows. maybe I didn't. I claims I did a 13:15 overall pace over 2 miles and my first mile was 12:27. Given that I was focusing on not making myself miserable, that's not so bad.

The bottom line is I did the running and it hasn't triggered full mental health issues and that's a qualified good.
forgotten_aria: (Default)
I feel like I've made a lot of progress in my mental health, and then a week like this comes along and I feel like I have no resilience against stress. What is different is I can kind of feel the stress consuming or chipping away at what mental stability I have. Some how this makes it a little easier to cope with (but not much.) I do wish I understood how I might fight against the connection. It's really not that much stress too. I asked my therapist how I might build strength, so I'll try to work on what she suggested.

I will still enjoy that there are more good days than bad, but I don't like the idea that it's only because I am avoiding stress and that any time my life gets busy (or blows up) I'll be back to where I was.
forgotten_aria: (nicki window)
I had to take a break from FB. It wasn't just being bombarded by the news and politics, but it was that blame was being thrown everywhere and people were shutting down attempts to help and attempts for hope. I know some people need their anger right now, which is why I decided to just stop reading for a bit. So far it seems like an excellent choice, though I'm so used to it being what I do between doing things, it's habit to check (which is also a problem.) I do still want to know what's going on with my friends lives, however, so please tell me what's going on in your own lives.

I wonder if I could filter for posts that have no outside link. It wouldn't avoid all the politics, but it might help some.

Since I don't see many people in person, it's hard to just decide to cut it completely out of my life, but it really feels like an unhealthy thing right now.

P.S. I'm still reading news, so this isn't about shutting out reality.

EDIT: It's been very healthy to not read it, so I don't think I'm going back anytime soon. I have so much more free time too!

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