programmed guilt

[forgotten_aria]

One of the things that I've had to learn in the last 5 years about me and exercise is how to take care of myself without feeling guilty. Given that I was taught by society to think that I was fat because I was a lazy, anytime I don't go all out on an exercise I feel that programming kick in. But more and more I realize that is why I couldn't make exercise sustainable. If I make myself miserable, sick or even injure myself, then that will do much more damage to my health than if I listen hard to my body and take that step back.

But it is so hard. Today, for instance, there is a "hero WOD" of 1000 box step ups. To do it full out you are supposed to do a 20" step with a 35lb pack as fast as you can. Most of the other people in the gym are taking ~70 minutes to do this. I'm doing no weight, 14" step and spaced out through out the day because my knee is still an issue. I waffle between "is this a smart thing to do with my knee at all?" and "why am I not just pushing through and doing the 1000, I've already scaled it TWICE," and sometimes I throw in "well, since I'm 85lbs overweight, its kind of like a straight weight person doing it with an 85lb weight."

I hope I can figure out how to be kind to my body without being mean to my mind.