complaing

[forgotten_aria]

Not sure if I've made a post like this before.

I interact with a few people who think that "positive thinking" and "not complaining" is important. I'm sure I'm a complainer in their eyes, but two things. One, I feel like positive thinking doesn't make things go well (I've certainly had lots of good things come out of negative thinking) but I do think that having things go relatively smoothly in your life and a good effort->outcome ratio, leads you to positive thinking, so I think the causality is wrong. I even tried to explain that most of the bad things in my life happened when I was thinking positively and the person said, "well, maybe that was just wrong thinking." Well if it was, I don't know the difference for me.

Second, I feel like the line between communication and complaining is different for everyone. I'd rather someone tell me that's something is wrong if it's something I can fix. I also don't mind listening if it's something I can't fix, but someone needs an ear. I do think that venting can be good, but dwelling isn't healthy. I also think it's healthier to focus on the good in your current situation and try to frame the bad in regards to how you can improve things. I also think it's important that people keep talking about the systemic problems in our society.

I feel like there are people out there that if it's not a problem they've experienced, then talking about it is "complaining." I even had someone say, "I thought depression was just people being weak and not sucking it up, until it happened to me and then I finally understood."

It really bothers me that I'm pretty sure at least one of my business relationships (ie, people who have to be nice to me because I'm paying them money) has all ready written me off as someone who isn't successful (at the thing I'm paying to do) because I don't think positively enough and I complain too much.