Music and the reinforcing loops

[forgotten_aria]

I agreed to do Winchester town day again. At least this time I knew it was coming up, but I procrastinated partly through things being busy and partly my own fear. I've started to work on the set, but it's mostly been a battle with working right up to my self-loathing and then having to back away. The war in my head is a lot more detached now, even if I still can't win it all the time. A lot of "what the hell am I thinking? I suck, everyone knows I suck, that's why I don't ever get asked to do music things," vs "maybe if you just practiced!"

It's one of those things that when I was performing music all the time I did actually get better, but I need to be doing it, not just trying and failing at it. I haven't been to School of Honk in ages, but I don't think it was really giving me what I needed anyway.

I will take my TKD training to heart as much as I can, however, and try to push through this. The whole point of the Winchester town gig is that no one cares how much I suck, they mostly don't even listen to me. It is supposed to be a "safe" gig.

I wanted to have a set for an open mic by now, but I realize even if I ever do get to that point, I will have to figure out how to set up my gear quickly, which is an issue in itself.