forgotten_aria

Recently my CrossFit gym had a nutrition challenge month. I said I would participate, but not keep score, because after a lifetime of being told I should calorie restrict, I can't even keep a food diary without triggering anxiety and depression. Most of the challenges were things I was already doing or wanted to be doing more of, like drinking lots of water, including a vegetable with every meal, etc. One of the weeks was "mindful eating," which is when you make sure you don't have any distractions while eating and carefully focus on the bites you are taking. I can completely see the logic to this, but it made me see another way that my relationship with food is messed up.

I NEED a distraction while eating, because if I don't have one, I hate myself with every bite. I know how messed up that sounds, but I also know why my mind works that way.

So diet culture has made me unable to do one of the methods people use to eat correctly.

The more I read about how people struggle from recovering from an ED caused by diet culture, I know I'm lucky I don't have a full blown eating disorder. As it is, my relationship with food is broken enough to interfere with my life.

In a more positive light, it seems I've helped a handful of people with my handstand video. This makes me happy. :)

As a side note, lately I've been wanting to find people to challenge with the "find me one study with a large enough sample (>500) where more than 50% of the people keep more than 10lbs off for more than 7 years," not as a response to diet culture, but because I would really love to know if there is anything that actually works for a majority of people.

So I've had cheese about once or twice a week now, since having the grilled cheese sandwich. Things seem better with cheese at least. I've been trying to limit my caffine, but I think I just cant get solid enough information to know what's actually going on.

Yesterday I ate pizza with cheese on it for the first time since May. In the past, I've never found pizza as filling as it's calories. Now, however, pizza is filling again. I wonder how being dairy free for 5 months changes things for me such that my hunger system is working better.

I made some non-dairy Chocolate Coyote ice cream (chocolate, cinnamon, hint of cayenne) and it is by far the best non-dairy-trying-to-be-dairy thing I've eaten. It has an avocado, coconut milk base and the cinnamon does an excellent job of masking both flavors.

It might be time for me to invest in a real blender.

I was reading a webpage a small sampling of what thin people tend to eat. Many of them would have soup for lunch. I don't find soup at all satisfying. I wonder why it is that I don't.

I just saw a pro-High Fructose Corn syrup ad... i'm scared.

Bryers use to pride it self on being milk, cream, sugar and natural flavors... apparently that has changed. So sad.