The Sisyphean life

I am performing tomorrow again at Winchester Town Day. I'm about a month behind in my preparation because I didn't think I was doing it this year. I'm about a week more behind than that because of my trip to Pittsburgh. I have a set, but it's shaky. I have had some passable runs, but my last practice was full of badness. I am quite enjoying playing Chopin's Nocturne op. 9 no. 2 on flute, but I do wish I had at least that extra week since I stumble a lot and there are some places I wish I could clean up rhythmically. I wrote two original songs, but they came out sounding slightly the same sounding. I need to figure out how to get myself out of my singing rut. I know I can sing things other than airy, flowing things, but that's what comes out when I play around.

Scrambling to get this together has put me in a lot of stress, which triggers my depression. One of the bouts I was convinced it was time to sell all my instruments. I'm not so sure that isn't still a good idea. I waffle between "I never give enough devotion to this to get good" and "I have half a set for an open mic now, I should run with that."

We also had a mock test at TKD and I have got so much work to do again to past the physical this year. On one hand I know I can, on the other hand, it's frustrating to see how quickly all that work is lost again. But that is life. It has just been one of my weaknesses that I have little patience for things that I feel like I am "redoing."

( here's a preview video of the set I'm doing )