nothing to report is not a bad thing
Just felt like making a post. Nothing really to report. Taekwondo, CrossFit, Lyra, and Cyr are chugging along at my super slow pace. I make enough progress to know I'm not hopeless, but when I watch a video about cyr that's some person complaining that they almost gave up because it took them 12 whole days to learn waltz, it's my pace of learning does get a bit frustrating (It's been 10 weeks, but I haven't gotten past 4 steps.) I'm also slow to gain the strength I need to advance in lyra and CrossFit, but again, I'm slowly gaining it.
I really want to finish my Nightshroud costume from last year, I want to make a Phantom of the Paradise mask, and I have a greyscale workout costume planned for CrossFit. I've been very unmotivated, however, to get working on any of those. I'll finish Sylvie sometime too, but that's a much harder task.
I'm also really letting my music slip. I was already struggling because I was in that "I'm not good enough people want to play with me, so I don't find motivation to practice, so I don't get better" loop that was being a little bit budged by my yearly gig that stopped because of Covid. I got my handpan out today and it was such bliss to play. I don't know why I don't play music as just part of my routine.
I miss people a lot, but I'm not ready for parties yet and in general not really reaching out for social interactions. I do have some online interactions, which is good. I saw my family for the first time since the pandemic began. We tested before hand and didn't mask in the cottage, but we all masked in stores. No one else on the cape really did, though. It was nice the family was on the same page.
I did a random act of kindness by delivering a harp from the Cape to Waltham. It was kind of fun to have had the van to be able to do that.
I totally love cyr, even though I suck at it. It really is everything I thought it would be. I can't wait to learn the basic moves so I can keep it going. I'm hoping the Sunday Esh classes will come back so I can get some lessons. It's been super nice to have the basement space, even if I sometimes almost crash into things. The flooring I got for the driveway got too soft in the heat. I'm hoping that I'll almost have my waltz about the window where the vinyl on the driveway won't be too hot or too cold. I hope I can get good enough (performance level) to justify buying a street wheel.
Consuming a lot of media. Kitties are still cute, fluffy, and grey.
I really want to finish my Nightshroud costume from last year, I want to make a Phantom of the Paradise mask, and I have a greyscale workout costume planned for CrossFit. I've been very unmotivated, however, to get working on any of those. I'll finish Sylvie sometime too, but that's a much harder task.
I'm also really letting my music slip. I was already struggling because I was in that "I'm not good enough people want to play with me, so I don't find motivation to practice, so I don't get better" loop that was being a little bit budged by my yearly gig that stopped because of Covid. I got my handpan out today and it was such bliss to play. I don't know why I don't play music as just part of my routine.
I miss people a lot, but I'm not ready for parties yet and in general not really reaching out for social interactions. I do have some online interactions, which is good. I saw my family for the first time since the pandemic began. We tested before hand and didn't mask in the cottage, but we all masked in stores. No one else on the cape really did, though. It was nice the family was on the same page.
I did a random act of kindness by delivering a harp from the Cape to Waltham. It was kind of fun to have had the van to be able to do that.
I totally love cyr, even though I suck at it. It really is everything I thought it would be. I can't wait to learn the basic moves so I can keep it going. I'm hoping the Sunday Esh classes will come back so I can get some lessons. It's been super nice to have the basement space, even if I sometimes almost crash into things. The flooring I got for the driveway got too soft in the heat. I'm hoping that I'll almost have my waltz about the window where the vinyl on the driveway won't be too hot or too cold. I hope I can get good enough (performance level) to justify buying a street wheel.
Consuming a lot of media. Kitties are still cute, fluffy, and grey.
Entry tags:
CrossFit open
I've been avoiding competition, because in general it just reminds me how much I don't stack up and really I need to focus on me vs me, but my CrossFit gym has this whole big theme night, and lights and music, and just kind of a party, so I figured, ok.
The first workout (22.1) I went alone in my "heat" and last (because snow had pushed it to Saturday morning and I wasn't going to get up any earlier than I had to. There are three levels and I did the middle one. I did what I usually did, but for whatever reason everyone thought I did amazing. Even the coach gave me a bonus point for my "performance." I will say it was huge that I had every eye in the house watching me workout and it didn't phase me at all.
The second workout I decided to do level 2 again because I thought it would be better to focus on sustaining a level of keeping moving, not have to worry about tripping over the barbell, and I had to go to TKD afterwards, so I thought while I could do 155lb dead lifts in a workout, it might be not wise. All in all, 22.2 was "ok," except that I rolled my ankle on the last jump because I was rushing (I did the level where stepping over was ok, but I jumped because it was the end.) The ankle healed fairly quickly, thank goodness. My camera caught the moment and it was worse to look at than it felt.
22.3 was announced and everyone was commenting on how hard it was. I ended up doing the lowest level and I didn't even complete all the movements. It was exactly the reason I didn't like the compete. For other people, competition brings out the best in them. The coaches, who cultivate optimism, encouraged people to get their first pull up or alike. But I'm fighting hard to do all the things I do all the time. (Not saying I push 100% all the time, since that would be unhealthy.) I am rarely surprised at my ability to do something and more often shocked in a bad way when something I thought I could do, I couldn't. I was humbled and I honestly need the opposite of humility when it comes to physical things.
It was frustrating because the lowest level was supposed to be "accessible" to more people, I feel like they failed at that. Sure make Rx and scaled hard, but leave fundamentals in a place where people who could do the first two workouts didn't feel like they had to skip the last one.
I also really hate how the open is scored. If you work hard at a workout for 12 full minutes at level 2, you are scored below someone who did one rep of one movement of the top level. I likely could have done the workouts at Rx level and gotten 2-31 reps, ~42 reps, and done 22.3 scaled (2nd level) at 84 reps and scored much much higher than I did.
I was 108,567/115,291 (of "women" who entered at least one score) and 8014/8828 of "women 45-49."
Will I do it again? Not sure. Maybe if the gym gets a kick back from the entry fee, but otherwise, I think it's still not healthy for me to compete.
The first workout (22.1) I went alone in my "heat" and last (because snow had pushed it to Saturday morning and I wasn't going to get up any earlier than I had to. There are three levels and I did the middle one. I did what I usually did, but for whatever reason everyone thought I did amazing. Even the coach gave me a bonus point for my "performance." I will say it was huge that I had every eye in the house watching me workout and it didn't phase me at all.
The second workout I decided to do level 2 again because I thought it would be better to focus on sustaining a level of keeping moving, not have to worry about tripping over the barbell, and I had to go to TKD afterwards, so I thought while I could do 155lb dead lifts in a workout, it might be not wise. All in all, 22.2 was "ok," except that I rolled my ankle on the last jump because I was rushing (I did the level where stepping over was ok, but I jumped because it was the end.) The ankle healed fairly quickly, thank goodness. My camera caught the moment and it was worse to look at than it felt.
22.3 was announced and everyone was commenting on how hard it was. I ended up doing the lowest level and I didn't even complete all the movements. It was exactly the reason I didn't like the compete. For other people, competition brings out the best in them. The coaches, who cultivate optimism, encouraged people to get their first pull up or alike. But I'm fighting hard to do all the things I do all the time. (Not saying I push 100% all the time, since that would be unhealthy.) I am rarely surprised at my ability to do something and more often shocked in a bad way when something I thought I could do, I couldn't. I was humbled and I honestly need the opposite of humility when it comes to physical things.
It was frustrating because the lowest level was supposed to be "accessible" to more people, I feel like they failed at that. Sure make Rx and scaled hard, but leave fundamentals in a place where people who could do the first two workouts didn't feel like they had to skip the last one.
I also really hate how the open is scored. If you work hard at a workout for 12 full minutes at level 2, you are scored below someone who did one rep of one movement of the top level. I likely could have done the workouts at Rx level and gotten 2-31 reps, ~42 reps, and done 22.3 scaled (2nd level) at 84 reps and scored much much higher than I did.
I was 108,567/115,291 (of "women" who entered at least one score) and 8014/8828 of "women 45-49."
Will I do it again? Not sure. Maybe if the gym gets a kick back from the entry fee, but otherwise, I think it's still not healthy for me to compete.
Entry tags:
Confidence
Confidence is not easy for me. That's usually when I mess up because my worry keeps me vigilant.
It was also the leading cause of me being injured as a kid. My one broken bone as a child? Me telling myself "oh, you're just being scared for nothing." My dislocated arm? "You can go fast down the hill, you're good at scootering."
There are a lot of times my body is my limit. I need to err on the side of caution especially now that I'm older. This is why it took me over a year to really get my handstand and several months after I had my private lesson. Just more and more trusting that I could land correctly on my shoulders with out jamming them or slipping and hitting my head on the wall (which happened once.) Even now I have to do it in 3 steps. Get into the floor position, test my back and shoulders, take one deliberately gentle dynamic run at it and then try with full power (usually failign the first 2-3 times.)
Box jumps, however, I seem to be purely at a mental limit. Tonight I put the mats under the box to raise it up to 18.75" (I am hoping to work up to 20".) I could only complete the jump one out of every three, but the photo shows that physically there is no issue. It's frustrating to know this intellectually but not understand the mental block. It makes me wonder how to better understand when the limit is body and when it is mind.
( box jump picture. )
It was also the leading cause of me being injured as a kid. My one broken bone as a child? Me telling myself "oh, you're just being scared for nothing." My dislocated arm? "You can go fast down the hill, you're good at scootering."
There are a lot of times my body is my limit. I need to err on the side of caution especially now that I'm older. This is why it took me over a year to really get my handstand and several months after I had my private lesson. Just more and more trusting that I could land correctly on my shoulders with out jamming them or slipping and hitting my head on the wall (which happened once.) Even now I have to do it in 3 steps. Get into the floor position, test my back and shoulders, take one deliberately gentle dynamic run at it and then try with full power (usually failign the first 2-3 times.)
Box jumps, however, I seem to be purely at a mental limit. Tonight I put the mats under the box to raise it up to 18.75" (I am hoping to work up to 20".) I could only complete the jump one out of every three, but the photo shows that physically there is no issue. It's frustrating to know this intellectually but not understand the mental block. It makes me wonder how to better understand when the limit is body and when it is mind.
( box jump picture. )
Entry tags:
speed knee
My knees are getting faster.
One of the interesting things about getting my knees back is that they're doing pretty darn well at slow things these days (though every now and then I can make it cranky with certain movements) but it's taking a long time to get the speed back. Both dropping down low and getting explosive power. Part of that is they are still getting stronger, part of that is not trusting them for 25 years.
Today, however, my knees surprised me. There is a barbell movement called a "cluster" which is a combination of a squat clean and thruster. A squat clean is when you pull the bar up to the top of your chest while dropping in under it with a squat. A thruster is then going from that squat to the bar being thrusted into the air, fully over head. Dropping into that squat quickly enough for physics with even an unweighted bar used to be something I had to take very carefully. Today I did the whole thing at 70lbs. This isn't a huge weight, but it's be progress for me.
There are a bunch of things I'm limited by not being able to trust my knees fully yet. I look forward to when I can.
One of the interesting things about getting my knees back is that they're doing pretty darn well at slow things these days (though every now and then I can make it cranky with certain movements) but it's taking a long time to get the speed back. Both dropping down low and getting explosive power. Part of that is they are still getting stronger, part of that is not trusting them for 25 years.
Today, however, my knees surprised me. There is a barbell movement called a "cluster" which is a combination of a squat clean and thruster. A squat clean is when you pull the bar up to the top of your chest while dropping in under it with a squat. A thruster is then going from that squat to the bar being thrusted into the air, fully over head. Dropping into that squat quickly enough for physics with even an unweighted bar used to be something I had to take very carefully. Today I did the whole thing at 70lbs. This isn't a huge weight, but it's be progress for me.
There are a bunch of things I'm limited by not being able to trust my knees fully yet. I look forward to when I can.
Entry tags:
Change
I want to write this here first to try to make sure I get all my thoughts about this before posting it to IG.
My body doesn't like to change. Often when I talk about all the exercise I do, someone will pipe up with something like "Soon you'll see your clothes fitting differently." No, I won't. I am not on a "journey" and my before and afters look pretty much the same.
( two years apart. )
This is "before" two years of crossfit. Now, to be fair, I had to take several months off in the middle because of the back issue, but this is also what I've seen with Taekwondo too. People will even tell me that I HAVE lost weight, when I know what the scale tells me. I will agree I stand straighter and move more easily.
What you don't see in the photos are the real changes. That I've regained the use of my knees, mostly. That I feel better and have, on average, less pain. That I'm trying new things with my body and learning to better use and trust it. But even that is a mixed bag. Each day is a little different and some days it feels like I haven't made any progress at all. This is why I have to focus on process, not results. If I can love the doing, then it doesn't matter if I don't get stronger or look different. This is why I'm trying to embrace and celebrate what this body can do, not what body I wish I had. And I hope to encourage others to go out and try things, even if society has told them they can't do it "because."
Posting these photos for me is still very hard. I've been programmed for a long time that I'm too fat to show this much skin. This is why I hate when anyone talks about a "beach body." It reaffirms the idea that you have to look a specific way before dressing in certain clothing or even existing in a public place. I don't think I can ever deprogram myself completely.
I feel like I'm missing some of the thoughts I wanted to include with this, so I might have to come back and add to this as things go on.
P.S. the first, darker photos are actually the 2020 (current) photos.
My body doesn't like to change. Often when I talk about all the exercise I do, someone will pipe up with something like "Soon you'll see your clothes fitting differently." No, I won't. I am not on a "journey" and my before and afters look pretty much the same.
( two years apart. )
This is "before" two years of crossfit. Now, to be fair, I had to take several months off in the middle because of the back issue, but this is also what I've seen with Taekwondo too. People will even tell me that I HAVE lost weight, when I know what the scale tells me. I will agree I stand straighter and move more easily.
What you don't see in the photos are the real changes. That I've regained the use of my knees, mostly. That I feel better and have, on average, less pain. That I'm trying new things with my body and learning to better use and trust it. But even that is a mixed bag. Each day is a little different and some days it feels like I haven't made any progress at all. This is why I have to focus on process, not results. If I can love the doing, then it doesn't matter if I don't get stronger or look different. This is why I'm trying to embrace and celebrate what this body can do, not what body I wish I had. And I hope to encourage others to go out and try things, even if society has told them they can't do it "because."
Posting these photos for me is still very hard. I've been programmed for a long time that I'm too fat to show this much skin. This is why I hate when anyone talks about a "beach body." It reaffirms the idea that you have to look a specific way before dressing in certain clothing or even existing in a public place. I don't think I can ever deprogram myself completely.
I feel like I'm missing some of the thoughts I wanted to include with this, so I might have to come back and add to this as things go on.
P.S. the first, darker photos are actually the 2020 (current) photos.
Thoughts about now
I haven't been dealing great with now, which is weird, since my life hasn't changed that much. I think it's because 2020 was supposed to be a year of hope, a year where we looked to removing the cheato. But even that, with Biden, is kind of soured. I am very tired of the current state of politics and press. I am tired that the cheato did so many things wrong, but his propaganda machines in the conservative media always find a way to blame someone else.
But I think the "unknown" is wearing on me and how this seems to continue to spotlight the worst humans. People who let their stupidity become violence. People who let their love of money make them do horrible thing and the "Haves" going out of their way to take from the "have nots."
Crossfit workouts have become all small dumbbell (because I don't own anything bigger) and body weight stuff, so I'm not getting my feeling of power from moving weight around. They did lend me a bar and some plates, so I gratefully have a barbell to play with, but since I can only go up to 125, it means I'm forced to work on those movements I don't do well (snatch, clean, overhead squat.) And I do need to work on them, desperately, but that doesn't generate accomplishment brain-chemistry.
Taekwondo has taken to teaching on line, and I'm finding it fun, but also very stressful. It's so hard to teach people when they might crash into a piece of furniture at any moment and when you're not really sure how left and right works, because your camera is mirrored, but you're supposed to be doing mirrored (which I haven't practiced that much, so I'm not confident I'm doing it right.) Then add in any technical difficulties. (I had zoom tell me it was the wrong password until I reinstalled zoom, my tablet's screen is failing again. Thank goodness I have so many computers.)
The best part of all this is I've gotten to play some really amazing board games online with good people. I've really enjoyed Tzolk'in, Hanabi, and Ghost Stories and we just started Gloomhaven. We struggled a bit both with the online game interface (it turned a card into a double backed card inexplicably) and getting our bearings, but I really really like it and look forward to its campaign nature.
The mixed part is I've gotten a chance to work on some movements that I hadn't been making time for . I did get back up into a handstand for the first time since my back got inflamed, which made me happy, but it takes me ~25 tries, and it's a bit of fear thing and I'm frustrated that I don't seem to be getting better. I've been trying to work on my overhead squat depth, but I have this gap. 20lbs, no problem, nice and deep. 35lbs, I can't even get parallel. (keep in mind, I can front squat a lot more.) I can't figured out how to get those in between weights. I can't really work on a snatch until I have the OH squat. There's also a gap in the weights right about where I need to work on my clean. I can clean 95lbs, no problem. I struggle with 115lbs. The plate math means there's no in between. I've been working on my pull up too, but the progress there is sloth-like, except I'm pretty sure a sloth can do pull ups better than me. I should also try working on my box jumps and my double unders, but I've not had the cycles. I am having fun posting things to my Instagram inspiration account, but even the plan for that is a reminder of what's going on.
Which is the main problem. I've been feeling tired and drained this whole time and I don't really know why. I have very little will to do things that aren't video games.
I hope people are doing well.
But I think the "unknown" is wearing on me and how this seems to continue to spotlight the worst humans. People who let their stupidity become violence. People who let their love of money make them do horrible thing and the "Haves" going out of their way to take from the "have nots."
Crossfit workouts have become all small dumbbell (because I don't own anything bigger) and body weight stuff, so I'm not getting my feeling of power from moving weight around. They did lend me a bar and some plates, so I gratefully have a barbell to play with, but since I can only go up to 125, it means I'm forced to work on those movements I don't do well (snatch, clean, overhead squat.) And I do need to work on them, desperately, but that doesn't generate accomplishment brain-chemistry.
Taekwondo has taken to teaching on line, and I'm finding it fun, but also very stressful. It's so hard to teach people when they might crash into a piece of furniture at any moment and when you're not really sure how left and right works, because your camera is mirrored, but you're supposed to be doing mirrored (which I haven't practiced that much, so I'm not confident I'm doing it right.) Then add in any technical difficulties. (I had zoom tell me it was the wrong password until I reinstalled zoom, my tablet's screen is failing again. Thank goodness I have so many computers.)
The best part of all this is I've gotten to play some really amazing board games online with good people. I've really enjoyed Tzolk'in, Hanabi, and Ghost Stories and we just started Gloomhaven. We struggled a bit both with the online game interface (it turned a card into a double backed card inexplicably) and getting our bearings, but I really really like it and look forward to its campaign nature.
The mixed part is I've gotten a chance to work on some movements that I hadn't been making time for . I did get back up into a handstand for the first time since my back got inflamed, which made me happy, but it takes me ~25 tries, and it's a bit of fear thing and I'm frustrated that I don't seem to be getting better. I've been trying to work on my overhead squat depth, but I have this gap. 20lbs, no problem, nice and deep. 35lbs, I can't even get parallel. (keep in mind, I can front squat a lot more.) I can't figured out how to get those in between weights. I can't really work on a snatch until I have the OH squat. There's also a gap in the weights right about where I need to work on my clean. I can clean 95lbs, no problem. I struggle with 115lbs. The plate math means there's no in between. I've been working on my pull up too, but the progress there is sloth-like, except I'm pretty sure a sloth can do pull ups better than me. I should also try working on my box jumps and my double unders, but I've not had the cycles. I am having fun posting things to my Instagram inspiration account, but even the plan for that is a reminder of what's going on.
Which is the main problem. I've been feeling tired and drained this whole time and I don't really know why. I have very little will to do things that aren't video games.
I hope people are doing well.
Entry tags:
Crossfit and body weight exercises
Part of what I love about crossfit is that, normally, it is a mix of weight lifting and body weight exercises. I need to get better at body weight exercises, but weight lifting makes me feel like I don't suck all the time, since, in general, I'm stronger than most other people, but given my extra weight, I suck at body weight stuff. (I weight about 80lbs over my 'ideal' weight.)
Sadly, the "at home" workouts assume, rightfully, that you don't have much spare or much equipment, so it's been almost entirely body weight exercises, with the addition of a light weight. This is driving home to me how important the addition of weight lifting into the mix is. It's kind of demoralizing and frustrating how bad I am. I was never very good at the workouts, but at least I could have the consolation prize of throwing 100+ pounds of barbell around, no problem.
It feeds into my "I'm bad at everything," issue. I did get to borrow a bar, so once I'm 100% from this cold and neck pain I had, I will get back to throwing it around.
Sadly, the "at home" workouts assume, rightfully, that you don't have much spare or much equipment, so it's been almost entirely body weight exercises, with the addition of a light weight. This is driving home to me how important the addition of weight lifting into the mix is. It's kind of demoralizing and frustrating how bad I am. I was never very good at the workouts, but at least I could have the consolation prize of throwing 100+ pounds of barbell around, no problem.
It feeds into my "I'm bad at everything," issue. I did get to borrow a bar, so once I'm 100% from this cold and neck pain I had, I will get back to throwing it around.
Entry tags:
KNEEEEEEES!
One year and one week ago, I went to my first physical therapy evaluation session. Since early in college (~26 years ago) I had lived with bad knees. I had assumed they were just "toast" and that it was one of the few health issues that could actually be blamed on my weight. In ~2005 I even lost 70lbs for fear I wouldn't be able to walk at the weight I was (which of course I gained all back and more as most people do.) A year ago it hurt to do more than 10 shallow squats. Now, I admit that I need to go lower than what's in this photo (I don't know if my PR was low enough after seeing these) but today I did 155lbs back squat. My knees still give me trouble off and on, but they are so much better. I am so thankful that taekwondo showed me I could make my knee pain less by strengthening the knee. I am so glad that I found a physical therapist who was amazing, believed the amount of exercise I was doing and never once told me to lose weight. I am so glad to be able to work on my knee strength and I can't wait to see what the next year will bring.
how to train something you can't do
I've never been able to do a pull up. Even for that short week I weighed 135lbs. I got a pullup band hoping that will help, but I've not seen any progress at all (slight progress in using the band, but none in negatives.) Hoop has also started trying to build my upperbody strength, with shoulder and back engagement.
I started to do some more research and people see to feel that a banded pull up doesn't help because it helps too much at the bottom. My negatives are pretty much instant, so they're kind of useless. I can do the scapula engagements, but they don't feel like progress. I've also tried the kneeling pull down on the weight machine, and I'm not convinced it will help in the long run. A lot of the guides assume you can do negatives.
The most discouraging thing, though, is so many of the guides say "lose weight." That's not a training suggestion! Sure, every body weight exercise would be easier if I were lighter, but that's not helpful!
I was able to lift my toes off the ground starting with a bent arm in hoop which was a nice surprise.
I also built a 14/17/20 plyo box because at my crossfit gym they only have 12" and 20" boxes and I wanted to train up to 20". I can do 14" no problem, but 17" is just above what I can do. I'm hoping I can soon get that last little height I need. I built it (with the help of my mom) because they charge ~$50 for one premade. After building it, I'm not so sure I shouldn't have spent the money. I wouldn't have gotten the size I wanted, however, so in the end, I got what I hope I need.
I started to do some more research and people see to feel that a banded pull up doesn't help because it helps too much at the bottom. My negatives are pretty much instant, so they're kind of useless. I can do the scapula engagements, but they don't feel like progress. I've also tried the kneeling pull down on the weight machine, and I'm not convinced it will help in the long run. A lot of the guides assume you can do negatives.
The most discouraging thing, though, is so many of the guides say "lose weight." That's not a training suggestion! Sure, every body weight exercise would be easier if I were lighter, but that's not helpful!
I was able to lift my toes off the ground starting with a bent arm in hoop which was a nice surprise.
I also built a 14/17/20 plyo box because at my crossfit gym they only have 12" and 20" boxes and I wanted to train up to 20". I can do 14" no problem, but 17" is just above what I can do. I'm hoping I can soon get that last little height I need. I built it (with the help of my mom) because they charge ~$50 for one premade. After building it, I'm not so sure I shouldn't have spent the money. I wouldn't have gotten the size I wanted, however, so in the end, I got what I hope I need.
warm ups
One of the interesting thing about my lyra classes is that the warm up is combined with the pole class, which means it's this interesting blend of strength, yoga, and flexibility with just a hint of sexualization. I don't think I could ever really enjoy pole because of the sexualization of it, even though it seems like an amazing art form. (If this instagram thing takes off, I'll take a beginner lesson just for the variety of it.)
As with crossfit, I'm super glad that i'm already pretty strong, because the warm up is also pretty challenging (as it is, I can't do "low plank" which is basically pushup hold.)
I don't know if I've mentioned it, but the crossfit warm ups are what I used to call "working out," and would have killed me before TKD. It's kind of awesome that I'm at a stage where it really does just feel like a warm up now.
As with crossfit, I'm super glad that i'm already pretty strong, because the warm up is also pretty challenging (as it is, I can't do "low plank" which is basically pushup hold.)
I don't know if I've mentioned it, but the crossfit warm ups are what I used to call "working out," and would have killed me before TKD. It's kind of awesome that I'm at a stage where it really does just feel like a warm up now.
listening to the body
I've been trying to get up to 4 hours of crossfit in a week, but with 4-6 hours of taekwondo and lyra, my body hasn't had the energy to make it the week. I've only have my one hoop class and I'm signed up for 3 more, but I'm thinking I can't quite do it all and I might give up hoop for now, but I will reevaluate after the 3 classes are done.
I'm still super happy to know there is a hoop/silks place where I can feel comfortable, even if I can't take advantage of it for now.
I'm thinking of starting a Instagram account focused on the things I've been doing with my body that I was told as a kid wasn't possible at my size in hopes that more people will just go out and find their happy exercise.
I'm still super happy to know there is a hoop/silks place where I can feel comfortable, even if I can't take advantage of it for now.
I'm thinking of starting a Instagram account focused on the things I've been doing with my body that I was told as a kid wasn't possible at my size in hopes that more people will just go out and find their happy exercise.
relationship with exercise
Until crossfit, i never got endorphins from exercising. Today, because of the format of the workout, I almost made myself sick (I try to avoid that) but then when I got home, I was like "ah, that was relaxing... wait..." Whee! Endorphins rewriting my memory. :)
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time off crossfit :(
My back still isn't good. I am gone for a week and then my crossfit membership expires. I won't renew until my back is better, because even though I've been going and taking it easy, it's very hard for me to not want to go full out and hard for me to know if I am pushing too hard.
Once/if the back is 100%, I'm signing up for the year, despite them having a poor injury clause.
Once/if the back is 100%, I'm signing up for the year, despite them having a poor injury clause.
back and crossfit
I figured I should document this here.
My back is still giving me trouble, but I've been going back to crossfit. I've been doing lower weight and avoiding a handful of movements a few of which are kind of common.
I've lost a lot of progress. My cardio is non-existent and I can no longer kick up into a handstand. I'm frustrated by my body's ability to lose months of progress in weeks of time.
I have to decided how I want to re-up my crossfit membership. The price differentials are huge! $25 per session for drop in or $17 per session even if I only average twice a week for a year commitment. (I would like to attend more than that, if my body allows.)
I was so enjoying being able to do things I couldn't before, but it's so frustrating to be fighting so many factors. I hate being the slowest, the weakest, the worst. I am also sick of motivational phrases like "you can do anything you put your mind to" and "How they seem to consistently be on track to achieve their goals?
It’s because they WORK at it…. Every. Single. Day." And they have a body that LETS them do that.
My back is still giving me trouble, but I've been going back to crossfit. I've been doing lower weight and avoiding a handful of movements a few of which are kind of common.
I've lost a lot of progress. My cardio is non-existent and I can no longer kick up into a handstand. I'm frustrated by my body's ability to lose months of progress in weeks of time.
I have to decided how I want to re-up my crossfit membership. The price differentials are huge! $25 per session for drop in or $17 per session even if I only average twice a week for a year commitment. (I would like to attend more than that, if my body allows.)
I was so enjoying being able to do things I couldn't before, but it's so frustrating to be fighting so many factors. I hate being the slowest, the weakest, the worst. I am also sick of motivational phrases like "you can do anything you put your mind to" and "How they seem to consistently be on track to achieve their goals?
It’s because they WORK at it…. Every. Single. Day." And they have a body that LETS them do that.
"back" to crossfit
I tried going to crossfit today, even though my back wasn't 100%. I took it easy (I only did 45lbs on my cleans, when I often do ~80.) I switched to strict presses for the WOD. My back is warning me and I'll find out tomorrow if it was a good idea or not.
It hit ALL of my fat/woman baggage however. "Don't look lazy, don't look weak," my brain was screaming at me. It took most of my will power to not pick the bar up and do more. To not add more weight. I was on the edge of tears as I fought against this programming. I think I did a good job, though, of listening to my body, at least I hope I did.
It hit ALL of my fat/woman baggage however. "Don't look lazy, don't look weak," my brain was screaming at me. It took most of my will power to not pick the bar up and do more. To not add more weight. I was on the edge of tears as I fought against this programming. I think I did a good job, though, of listening to my body, at least I hope I did.
double unders and stats
I did my first double under today (jump rope goes twice around before you land.) I only able to do one single jump after it on the best attempts, so I have a long way to go before I can do two in a row. But still, progress.
Just for my own records (and anyone's amusement) here are some of my current PRs. My weight lifting technique is still really bad, so deadlift and snatch, in particular, are still low until I can clean up my technique. Also squats, because my knees, are just amazing I can do them at all. I hope to be a lot stronger in a year.
back squat: 15lbs (5 rep max)
bench: 95 lbs (3 rep max)
Clean and Jerk: 80lbs (3 rep max)
Deadlift: 155lbs (2 rep max)
hang power snatch: 75lbs
power clean: 80lbs
power snatch: 80lbs (3 rep max)
push jerk: 100lbs (3 rep max)
push press: 105lbs
seated press: 75lbs (5 rep max)
Just for my own records (and anyone's amusement) here are some of my current PRs. My weight lifting technique is still really bad, so deadlift and snatch, in particular, are still low until I can clean up my technique. Also squats, because my knees, are just amazing I can do them at all. I hope to be a lot stronger in a year.
back squat: 15lbs (5 rep max)
bench: 95 lbs (3 rep max)
Clean and Jerk: 80lbs (3 rep max)
Deadlift: 155lbs (2 rep max)
hang power snatch: 75lbs
power clean: 80lbs
power snatch: 80lbs (3 rep max)
push jerk: 100lbs (3 rep max)
push press: 105lbs
seated press: 75lbs (5 rep max)
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[crossfit] murph attempt
Just for my own records. We attempted the murph today. I only did 13/20 rounds of the pullups (I did jumping), pushups, squats (I did lunges) and my calf and knees hurt after the end of the 2nd mile. Time isn't important, since I didn't do the whole thing.