forgotten_aria (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
forgotten_aria) wrote2020-04-24 01:38 pm
forgotten_aria) wrote2020-04-24 01:38 pm
Entry tags:
Change
I want to write this here first to try to make sure I get all my thoughts about this before posting it to IG.
My body doesn't like to change. Often when I talk about all the exercise I do, someone will pipe up with something like "Soon you'll see your clothes fitting differently." No, I won't. I am not on a "journey" and my before and afters look pretty much the same.
This is "before" two years of crossfit. Now, to be fair, I had to take several months off in the middle because of the back issue, but this is also what I've seen with Taekwondo too. People will even tell me that I HAVE lost weight, when I know what the scale tells me. I will agree I stand straighter and move more easily.
What you don't see in the photos are the real changes. That I've regained the use of my knees, mostly. That I feel better and have, on average, less pain. That I'm trying new things with my body and learning to better use and trust it. But even that is a mixed bag. Each day is a little different and some days it feels like I haven't made any progress at all. This is why I have to focus on process, not results. If I can love the doing, then it doesn't matter if I don't get stronger or look different. This is why I'm trying to embrace and celebrate what this body can do, not what body I wish I had. And I hope to encourage others to go out and try things, even if society has told them they can't do it "because."
Posting these photos for me is still very hard. I've been programmed for a long time that I'm too fat to show this much skin. This is why I hate when anyone talks about a "beach body." It reaffirms the idea that you have to look a specific way before dressing in certain clothing or even existing in a public place. I don't think I can ever deprogram myself completely.
I feel like I'm missing some of the thoughts I wanted to include with this, so I might have to come back and add to this as things go on.
P.S. the first, darker photos are actually the 2020 (current) photos.
My body doesn't like to change. Often when I talk about all the exercise I do, someone will pipe up with something like "Soon you'll see your clothes fitting differently." No, I won't. I am not on a "journey" and my before and afters look pretty much the same.
This is "before" two years of crossfit. Now, to be fair, I had to take several months off in the middle because of the back issue, but this is also what I've seen with Taekwondo too. People will even tell me that I HAVE lost weight, when I know what the scale tells me. I will agree I stand straighter and move more easily.
What you don't see in the photos are the real changes. That I've regained the use of my knees, mostly. That I feel better and have, on average, less pain. That I'm trying new things with my body and learning to better use and trust it. But even that is a mixed bag. Each day is a little different and some days it feels like I haven't made any progress at all. This is why I have to focus on process, not results. If I can love the doing, then it doesn't matter if I don't get stronger or look different. This is why I'm trying to embrace and celebrate what this body can do, not what body I wish I had. And I hope to encourage others to go out and try things, even if society has told them they can't do it "because."
Posting these photos for me is still very hard. I've been programmed for a long time that I'm too fat to show this much skin. This is why I hate when anyone talks about a "beach body." It reaffirms the idea that you have to look a specific way before dressing in certain clothing or even existing in a public place. I don't think I can ever deprogram myself completely.
I feel like I'm missing some of the thoughts I wanted to include with this, so I might have to come back and add to this as things go on.
P.S. the first, darker photos are actually the 2020 (current) photos.