What do you want?

[forgotten_aria]

How does one figure out what they want? Not what they think other people want them to want or what they've been told all their life they're supposed to want. Is this hard for most people, or do most people always know what they want?

Comments

[desireearmfeldt]

Hm...I think some people know and some people struggle, and probably a lot of us know about some things and struggle about others. But also, it may depend on the scale you're talking about--which it sounds like you're talking about very large global things?

For myself, I'm pretty good at knowing what I want in the specific: I want to do this project, be closer friends with that person, live in this area, not have to commute by car. It's harder to imagine the longer range: where do I want to be in 5 years? Except insofar as I have things now that I expect to still want then, I don't really know. Which, of course, makes it hard to figure out how to work towards where I want to be in the future....

[forgotten_aria]

Yes, the long term. I know what I want when I buy an item, for instance, but what do I really want to add to the world and do with my remaining years.

[mathhobbit]

I think a lot of people never think to ask that question. Must be nice.

[forgotten_aria]

I think it can be nice and it can also not be nice. To always know your place in the world and be able to fill it well, I think that's nicer.

I think the worst is thinking you know your place in the world and not being able to fill it.

[jadia]

I think most people struggle with this. It is the origin of the mid life crisis trope.

I have personally been struggling with trying to figure out how to find meaning in my life and the sense of impending mortality for...i dunno, the last 5 years? It's been hard. You are not alone.

[dcltdw]

Zeroing in on an earlier comment upthread:
"but what do I really want to add to the world and do with my remaining years."

I've recently had to remind myself of stuff I subscribe to.

1, there are a few geniuses who are changing the world. I am not one of them.
2, I could sacrifice a great amount and go work for those geniuses. (E.g., quit my job, possibly have to divorce Alyse, and try to go get a job at SpaceX.)
3, from EMS, I learned: everyone's number comes up at some point. Mine might come up later today.
4, "a butterfly in South America flaps its wing and causes a hurricane in North America" is, I believe, not an accurate description of fractals and ripple effects, but by the same token, I believe it is accurate that there's some truth to it.

So I follow "think globally, act locally", writ large. I cannot make the world a better place, but I can make/inspire/lead the people around me to be a bit better, and that's useful.

The particulars, then, are just the medium, but the medium itself isn't the relevant part to my answer.